She Read online

  HELEN WARNER is a former Head of Daytime at both ITV & Channel 4, where she was responsible for a variety of TV shows including Come Dine With Me, Loose Women, Good Morning Britain and Judge Rinder. Helen writes her novels on the train to work in London from her home in Essex, which she shares with her husband and their two children.

  She

  HC Warner

  ONE PLACE. MANY STORIES

  Copyright

  An imprint of HarperCollins Publishers Ltd

  1 London Bridge Street

  London SE1 9GF

  First published in Great Britain by HQ in 2020

  Copyright © Helen Warner 2020

  Helen Warner asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.

  A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

  This novel is entirely a work of fiction. The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental.

  All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins.

  Ebook Edition © January 2020 ISBN: 9780008204693

  Note to Readers

  This ebook contains the following accessibility features which, if supported by your device, can be accessed via your ereader/accessibility settings:

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  Page numbers taken from the following print edition: ISBN 9780008216986

  In memory of Claire Warner,

  who really was the perfect girl.

  Contents

  Cover

  About the Author

  Title Page

  Copyright

  Note to Readers

  Dedication

  Prologue

  Part One

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Part Two

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Part Three

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Chapter Thirty

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  Part Four

  Chapter Thirty-Nine

  Epilogue

  Acknowledgements

  About the Publisher

  To my dear daughter,

  You will never read this letter but I needed to write it all the same.

  I am so sorry for everything. If I could turn back time and change the past, I would. But the one thing I would never want to change is you. I’m sure your mother will have told you things about me and I will admit that some of them, to my shame, are true.

  But, whatever she may have told you, I promise that from the moment you were born, I loved you. I know that you will grow up into a lovely young woman. I’m certain you will be as beautiful as your mother – maybe even more so. I hope you will be a good person and that one day you will be able to find it in your heart to forgive me and understand that every single one of us is flawed and anything I did, I did out of a father’s love for his child.

  Love always,

  Dad

  Prologue

  ‘She seems perfect.’ Jo waved one last time, as her son drove his new girlfriend away from the house, the wheels of his black, open-top Mercedes spitting up the gravel on the driveway behind them as they departed, before she swung the heavy front door shut and looked up at Peter. ‘Don’t you agree? Don’t you think she seems like the perfect girl for him?’

  Peter exhaled loudly and his eyes crinkled with tiredness. She could sense his irritability and there was a slight sheen of sweat on his tanned, lined forehead. ‘You said that about the last one.’ His words came out in one long sigh.

  ‘Well, Charlotte was perfect at the time.’ Jo couldn’t keep the defensive tone out of her voice, even though she knew he was right.

  ‘Hmmm …’ Peter pursed his lips disapprovingly, before turning and walking with a laboured stride along the cool, dark, flag-stoned hallway towards the sprawling, open-plan kitchen, which was suffused in a pale pink glow from the setting sun. ‘Except for the small matter that she dumped Ben and broke his heart.’

  Jo hesitated, thinking, before following her husband. ‘You know, now that things have worked out the way they have, maybe it was for the best. Maybe she did him a favour?’

  Peter picked up his half-finished glass of red wine from the pale granite worktop, and took it out onto the vast, sandstone terrace, which was now pleasantly warm after the searing heat of the late July day. He sat at the large glass table and looked out over the velvety green lawn, sweeping down towards the azure swimming pool, which looked like it was twinkling with a thousand dancing diamonds in the early evening sun.

  Jo watched him for a few moments, letting him walk ahead, before picking up her own glass and heading out to join him. He seemed jittery and upset, which was out of character. She sat down at the table beside him. ‘Are you OK, darling? You seem a bit … uptight.’

  Peter didn’t answer but gave a slight shrug.

  ‘You’re not sure about her, are you?’ Jo watched him closely, as she took a sip of her wine, which tasted slightly metallic after drinking several glasses of it.

  ‘No.’

  The speed of his answer took her by surprise. ‘Why? She was perfectly charming.’

  Peter pursed his lips again. It was as if he was trying to stop the words escaping. ‘Yes. Very.’ His tone was dry. Sardonic.

  ‘What then?’

  Peter turned his sleepy gaze towards her. She loved his dark brown eyes, still framed by long lashes. He didn’t look younger than his 63 years, thanks to his cropped grey hair and tanned, lined skin, but he was certainly still a very handsome man. ‘I’m not sure.’ He hesitated and it was obvious that he was holding back. He tilted his head upwards, as if seeking inspiration from the sky. ‘She’s like a ghost that just appeared out of nowhere. And it’s all happened a bit too quickly. He’s on the rebound.’

  Jo considered his words before replying: ‘You’re just being over-protective of your son.’

  Peter sighed and looked back at her, his eyes clouded with worry. Jo frowned, as she fixed him with an intense stare, willing him to open up a bit more about his feelings. Seeing her expression, he
tried to rearrange his features into a smile, before his face became serious again. ‘Maybe. But …’ He shook his head slightly, swatting away the thought. ‘Oh, I don’t know. Ignore me.’

  Jo reached across the table and took his hand in hers. ‘I’m sure you’re worrying unnecessarily. Relax, she seems like the perfect girl for him.’

  Part One

  Chapter One

  ‘Pull over here!’

  ‘What?’ Ben turned towards her in surprise. ‘Are you OK?’

  ‘Pull over!’ she repeated.

  Ben frowned to himself but immediately indicated and pulled into a small layby overlooking the patchwork of green and gold fields that criss-crossed the Suffolk landscape, undulating down towards the river. His heart hammered with sudden trepidation, as he turned off the engine and looked over at her expectantly. He cleared his throat. ‘What’s up?’

  Bella turned her huge, dark eyes towards him, causing his stomach to flip. Despite being in his open-top Mercedes, he could still detect notes of her scent on the light summer evening breeze. ‘I’m pregnant.’

  There was a rushing sound in Ben’s ears, as if a giant wave was thundering into shore behind him and he gripped the steering wheel to steady himself against its onslaught. ‘Pregnant?’

  Bella looked away, her exquisite face still and expressionless.

  Ben swallowed hard. ‘Are you sure?’

  At his words, she closed her eyes for a moment, as a shadow of temper briefly swept over her smooth brow. ‘Yes.’ The word came out as a hiss.

  Ben’s mouth formed a silent ‘oh’. He didn’t know how he was supposed to react. Didn’t know what he was supposed to say. And it was so soon. They had only been together for a couple of months.

  He tried to grab onto the thoughts careering through his head. ‘How long?’ he said, snatching at the only one he could keep hold of.

  Bella bit her plump bottom lip, which was quivering slightly. He couldn’t tell if it was nerves or tears. ‘I think about eight weeks. But I won’t know for sure until the scan.’ Her voice had taken on a robotic edge and she continued to stare straight ahead, with a slightly glassy expression that unnerved him.

  Ben nodded, his mind whirring back to eight weeks previously. She must have conceived on their very first night together if that was the case. He leaned heavily against his seat to anchor himself. To steady his thoughts. His mouth was suddenly dry and his hands clammy. How was that possible? he wondered distractedly. That one part of your body dried up while another produced moisture. Shock, he supposed.

  He became aware that Bella was watching him and allowed his gaze to shift back towards her. She gave him an uncertain smile. ‘Are you happy about it?’

  ‘Of course.’ The words came out automatically. What else could he say? It didn’t really matter what his feelings were, there was only one answer he could give. He tilted his head so that he could look at her properly. ‘How about you?’

  Bella’s heart-shaped face melted into a demure smile. ‘I’m happy. Just … it’s a bit of a surprise, that’s all.’

  Yes, Ben thought, she could say that again. His mind drifted to the day he had first met her, back in May. He was having a drink after work with Matt, his oldest and closest friend. Bella had been sitting at a table near to theirs, clearly waiting for someone who hadn’t shown up. Ben had been vaguely aware of her presence but was too engrossed in his conversation with Matt to really notice her.

  Eventually, Matt nodded towards her, with an amused expression on his face. ‘I think you’ve got an admirer, mate.’

  Ben frowned, before following Matt’s gaze. He didn’t believe in love at first sight and had always scoffed at the idea of a ‘lightning bolt’ moment, but that was exactly what happened when their eyes met. His mouth shifted into the shape of a smile without him telling it to. She smiled back and it was like a door opening to allow sunlight to flood in. Long, glossy dark hair, deep brown eyes, razor-sharp cheekbones and straight white teeth that looked even whiter in the darkness of the bar. She wasn’t just pretty. She was breathtakingly, head-turningly perfect.

  As if on auto-pilot, Ben picked up his drink and walked over to her table. He thought he heard Matt mutter something along the lines of ‘Don’t mind me, will you?’ but he was oblivious to everything else around him, except her.

  ‘Hello.’ He put his drink on her table and sat down. For some reason, it didn’t occur to him to even ask if she minded him joining her. He just knew with absolute certainty that she didn’t.

  She blinked slowly, her long black lashes almost sweeping the tip of those incredible cheekbones as she did so. ‘Hello.’

  There was a long pause, as Ben looked at her, drinking her in, before he realized that he needed to say something. ‘I’m Ben.’

  Her full lips parted into a smile, revealing those startlingly white, even teeth again. ‘Nice to meet you, Ben. I’m Bella.’

  Ben nodded, unable to tear his eyes away from her. ‘Bella,’ he repeated, trying it out for size. He liked it. It was certainly the right name for someone who looked like her. ‘Can I buy you a drink, Bella?’

  ‘Thank you, yes.’ Her expression was a mixture of amusement and curiosity.

  ‘Champagne?’ he guessed.

  She shook her head. ‘Sparkling water.’

  Ben raised his eyebrows in surprise. ‘OK …’

  He stood up and as he did so, he suddenly remembered Matt sitting alone at a nearby table.

  ‘Oh! Matt … I’m just getting some more drinks in. You’re welcome to join us?’ He desperately hoped Matt would decline.

  Matt responded with a knowing smirk and a shake of the head. ‘Thanks, but I’m going to call it a night.’ He drained the rest of his beer and stood up. ‘Have fun,’ he added, patting Ben on the back as he left the bar with a purposeful stride.

  Ben was as quick as he could be getting their drinks, not wanting to leave Bella unattended for long, just in case someone else took his place. He breathed a sigh of relief when he returned to a still-empty chair.

  ‘Thank you.’ Bella picked up her glass and took a long sip. Ben did the same, watching her over the top of his beer bottle, mesmerized. Everything about her was perfect, even her hands.

  ‘So, Ben,’ she began, her huge, exotic eyes drawing him in like a magnet. ‘Are you single?’

  Ben spluttered on his beer. ‘Um, yes. I am. Definitely. Single.’

  Bella smiled. ‘Good.’

  ‘Are you?’ he countered, suddenly nervous.

  Bella dropped her gaze. ‘I am.’

  ‘Good. And do you get hit on by lots of men who aren’t single?’ Ben could feel his hackles rising on her behalf.

  Bella looked back up at him with a half-smile. ‘All the time. That’s why it was my first question.’

  ‘Ah. Well, it looks like you got lucky with me then!’ Ben tried to keep his tone jokey but found he was uncharacteristically nervous and he didn’t quite manage to pull it off.

  Bella seemed not to notice. She flashed him a wide, dazzling smile. ‘It looks like I did.’

  They chatted easily for a while, before Ben motioned to Bella’s glass. ‘Another drink?’

  She tilted her head, causing the sheet of shiny black hair to slide over her shoulder in a sleek wave. ‘I’d prefer dinner,’ she said, with a mischievous glint in her eye.

  Ben grinned. ‘So would I.’ Simultaneously, they pushed back their chairs and stood up. Standing, she was even more of a vision. Tall and slim, dressed in a dark green silky wrap dress and high-heeled strappy nude sandals, she walked confidently in front of him towards the door, as if she knew that the eyes of every man in the room were turning towards her as she passed. Already, Ben could feel a swell of pride that it was him she was with.

  As they stepped out into the cool night air, she reached over to take his arm, as if it was the most natural thing in the world. ‘Where are we going?’ she asked, as they fell into step with each other.

  Ben wondered for a momen
t if he was dreaming this whole episode, it seemed so surreal. He wasn’t used to picking up women in bars. In fact, he had never picked up a complete stranger before. And yet, it seemed so right, as if he already knew her from somewhere. There was no awkwardness or hesitation. It all had a strange inevitability about it. His mind raced, as he tried to give off an impression of cool insouciance. ‘I know a great place.’ He gave her what he hoped was a knowing smile and steered her in the direction of his favourite restaurant, praying that Nigel, the maître d’ would have a table.

  Nigel greeted them like old friends and, after pocketing the £50 Ben had surreptitiously slipped him, led them to a table by the window, with a spectacular view of London lit up and twinkling in the inky night sky as far as the eye could see.

  ‘Wow,’ Bella gazed out, her eyes shining with delight. ‘What an incredible view. And what an incredible place.’

  Ben smiled to himself, hardly able to believe his luck. Out of the blue, he was sitting opposite the most stunning girl he had ever met, about to eat in one of London’s swankiest restaurants. Already he could feel the malaise that had been suffocating him for the previous few months, ever since Charlotte told him she needed some time apart to work out what she wanted, lifting. He swallowed and pushed all thoughts of Charlotte to the back of his mind. He wanted to clear his head to concentrate on this vision in front of him.

  Sometimes, Ben reflected, sitting beside Bella in his car two months later, as he tried to digest her news, life just took you by the hand and led you in a certain direction. He wondered if he would have been able to stop the course of events, even if he had wanted to. Unlikely, he decided.

  Just a year ago, he was flying high in his work as an advertising executive, still living with Charlotte, planning to propose and thinking that he knew exactly how his life was going to play out. But then Charlotte had dropped her bombshell as they returned to their flat in London, after spending Christmas with his parents in Suffolk. He remembered her words with an aching clarity: ‘I think we need to have some time apart.’